This morning I was thinking about how a crushes, lust, and loving someone in the romantic way. Lust may come before or after the crush. After this, if the person is deemed worth loving then it may just last in the long-term interim for both people.

Let’s break this down and start with the crush!

Having a crush can inspire you to be a better person. A chemical reaction is released in your brain creating a stress and reward response. It releases the dopamine within your brain giving leading you to a state of euphoria! This is the same feeling that gives us that lost in the sands of love feeling. We’re not being realistic in the least and are lost in a dream world. Our heads are in the clouds so to speak. The other person who we have a crush on might not even know that we exist. We might pursue them with time. But for now we spend some time basking in the lovely dopamine.

Having a crush can also release norepinephrine, which gives you a fight or flight response. For example, while in Boston recently, a friend showed me this guy walking into the club we were at. She squeezed my hand frantically to catch my attention. I saw him. She was right. He was very good looking. Confident, well conditioned, and well… I was at a loss for words. The type of situation where you turn red, palms sweat, and you lose your sense of speech. Instead of going toward him, I literally ran (maybe walked quickly) away. I thought I was going to have an asthma attack! Or I suppose that’s what it’s like when someone takes your breath away. It was as though I would crumple to the ground and shatter into a thousand pieces if I had stayed and talked to him. So flight it was!

Beyond the crush with the dopamine and the norepinephrine chemical responses, we have lust. Lust can be the physical desire to have someone. It could be with or without a crush. The lust can grow into love or the lust might be a means to end.

As Lemmy Kilmister once sang, The Chase is Better Than the Catch. Once the sexual contact has been made, the desire for that person fizzles. Because having a crush and desiring someone in lust makes the feeling of risk and reward feel a certain way. We can get addicted to the spikes of dopamine and norepinephrine. Once neurotransmitter spike is gone, it’s gone and the interest is gone too. At least that’s my layman’s hypothesis from being a nurse and having some general life experience.

Then there is lust with love. If you ask Plato, he would say that lust is the first step in the ladder of love. He’s not wrong. Watching the reality show Love is Blind it is easy to see that is the physical attraction isn’t there then the relationships don’t last as long. Philosophers like Lao Tzu talk about a single soul inhabiting two bodies or in other words, soul mates.

While love relationships can take many forms, the concept of love generally lasts longer than that of a fleeting crush no matter what your love life looks like. Lust is the mere roll of the dice though. It can be just as fleeting as a crush or build into a long lasting and loving partnership.

Wherever you are in your journey, best of luck! Happy Valentine’s Day! Let us celebrate the crushes, the lustful desires, and the loving partnerships that have come and gone as we carry on with our lives.

-Keri

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